History 101 as told by Uncle Bob

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and

2. Conservatives.


Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed...


Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.


Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.


Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass..


Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.


Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, paper salesmen, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.


Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Now you are up to speed on the History, as told by Uncle Bob. Amen.

Biden Blesses Irish Leader's Mother

The Right calls Barry the Messiah, but Ole Joe has cripples standing up and putting to death the living, then seemingly resurrecting. He went to God Rest her Soul to God Bless her Soul in less than a verse.

Joe Biden Does It Again!

I can't get enough of this video and Ole Joe is the gift that keeps on giving.

According to reports today Vice President Joe Biden asked for God's blessing for the late mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen during a White House celebration of St. Patrick's Day — except the elderly lady is very much alive.

"God rest her soul," Biden said Wednesday night as he introduced Cowen and President Barack Obama. He quickly caught himself and noted that it's Cowen's father who is no longer living. Of the prime minister's mother, Biden said, "God bless her soul."

Stand up, rise up, whatever. If I can find the video I'll must certainly share. But in the meantime relive this classic moment with me.

Presidential Reunion

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell, Chevy Chase, Ron Howard, Jim Carrey, Fred Armisen, Darrell Hammond, Jake, Dan Aykroyd, Maya Rudolph, Dana Carvey, FOD Team, and Antonio Scarlata - Video

Just something Funny for the times. W - has a great line to Jimma Carter. "Open a bag a malaise chips..." Back during Jimma's time, there was what the called the 'misery index' to track how bad it was.

Wayward Wiener

As devoted readers know Uncle Bob is a big St.Louis Cardinals fan, spending many nights and afternoon's at the ole ball park. In fact Uncle Bob was headed to Spring Training when on the flight, this story caught Bob's eye...

Baseball fans who sit six rows behind the third-base dugout at Kansas City's Kauffman Stadium know there's a chance they might have to duck a
few foul balls from time to time.

But a Kansas man says it was a flying hot dog, not a baseball, that almost put
his eye out while watching a Royals game late last summer.

John Coomer filed a lawsuit against the Kansas City Royals earlier this month
seeking more than $25,000 for injuries he sustained Sept. 8 when he was smacked
in the eye with a hot dog chucked into the seats by the team's mascot,
Sluggerrr.

Coomer said the wayward wiener caused a detached retina and the development of
cataracts in his left eye, forcing him to undergo two eye surgeries. In his
lawsuit, Coomer claims he suffered permanent impairment of his vision and is at
a greater risk of future eye problems.

Royals director of media relations David Holtzman said the team does not
comment on pending litigation.

In his petition, filed Feb. 8 in Jackson County Circuit Court, Coomer says he
was attending a Royals game when Sluggerrr climbed on top of the third-base
dugout and started shooting hot dogs into the stands with an air gun.

The mascot then put down the air gun and began heaving hot dogs into the
stands, including one he threw behind his back, striking Coomer in the eye as
he sat six rows from the dugout.

In addition to seeking restitution for medical expenses, Coomer is seeking
damages for the team's failure to adequately train its mascot on the proper
method of throwing hot dogs.

Now there is plenty to laugh about in this story. And as Uncle Bob giggled about the words 'wayward wiener' in a news story, Mrs. Uncle Bob, said, "ok Ross". A reference to Uncle Bob's little buddy who is 6.

Uncle Bob's Take on this apparent wiener taking a wiener to the face and suing...

What are we coming to? I sue because my hot coffee is well, too hot? Can a hot dog tossed behind he back, even at point blank range cause this kind of trauma?

Had this been Uncle Bob caught in the path of a wayward wiener, Bob would have reacted like the real man he is. Uncle Bob would have picked his wiener up off the floor and demanded that Albert Pujols sign it. I would have then put the signed wiener on my shelf with the autographed balls of Tony LaRussa and Mark McGwire.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with having a sense of humor of that of a 6-year old boy.

Where is Uncle Bob???

This is Uncle Bob's alter-ego, SnowBobNoPants, filling in.

Uncle Bob apologizes for lack of blogging this month.

Bob is re-charging his batteries and promises more of Uncle Bob's take on all things that, well, needs Bob's Take.

Pssst...Barry....

That's the mayor of Tampa. Florida. United States of America. Pam Iorio.